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Clix.

No updates for several days. I'm off on a road trip... to fulfill my lifelong dream of visiting every Wendy's in the country. Just kidding... I'm off to visit me brudda in Connecticut, and then some other peeps in NYC and Philly. And visit every Wendy's along the way.

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I'm pretty good at online quizzes of any sort. That is why I am incredibly embarrassed to report my score of 3 out of 20 on a quiz I just took. Actually what is even more embarrassing is the topic of the test, which is called "All Look Same?". You are shown twenty pictures of people who are of the Asian persuasion, and you say whether you think they are Chinese, Japanese or Korean. 3 out of 20. In theory, if I had chosen random answers, I would have scored about 7 out of 20. Not only did I previously think I was good at guessing people's ethnicity (especially with a little help from their accent and name), but I spent two whole summers teaching summer school to dozens of Chinese, Japanese and Korean kids! Is there any chance the quiz makers rigged it with really tough ones? Since my world-travelling buddy Chad doesn't read this site, I'll turn to Dad and Matt for good scores. Don't make me look too bad.

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DEREK LOWE PITCHED A NO-HITTER FOR THE SOX YESTERDAY! The "funny" thing about that is, I had tickets to the game, but chose to go to a frisbee tournament instead, and sold the tickets to my STUPID roommate and my STUPID frisbee teammate. That's somewhat frustrating.

The tournament was a lot of fun though. Beautiful weather Saturday in Hartford. I was lucky to avoid my usual springtime sunburn, thanks to three coats of sunscreen. Our team didn't do all that well, but we played well... for the most part. We were supposed to play two or three games today, but got rained out. Good fun... though not quite as fun as seeing the first Sox no-hitter at Fenway since 1965. But I'm over that.

I think I'll go on a little road trip tomorrow.

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I always used to have trouble asking girls out on a date. But now I know how it should be done, and I'm a lot more confident. Thanks, Autistics.org!

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Turns out that unemployment does not mean more LenLowLand updates. Sorry that you had to look at that post about pig rectum for so many days. Maybe I'm sorry that I posted it at all... oh well, at least it's better than sports, right? Say that reminds me; how bout them Celtics! One more win and we've swept the Sixers. You're nothing, Iverson. (Take that, Milliners!) And the Sox are doing pretty well, if you ignore those two losses to the Baltimore Horribles. At least Pedro smoked them yesterday. (Take that, K-Star and RockStar!) And then there's the Bruins.... they play the ice hockey, right?

Well, it's already been a week of pounding the pavement endlessly, and no employment leads yet. Maybe it's because by "pounding the pavement" I mean watching TV, playing frisbee and playing FIFA World Cup Soccer 2002 on X-Box (pictured). I also have had the good fortune to be able to spend more and more time with a certain young lady... so I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

Time really does fly when you're having fun. I haven't been bored yet, and I have more interesting things up and coming to keep me entertained. This weekend I'm playing in an ultimate frisbee tournament in Connecticut; that should be fun. Then next week I'm considering a little road trip to visit some peeps in NYC and Philly. That should also be fun. Before I know it, it will be World Cup time. ACK!

Anyone out there need a Lotus Notes developer with three years of experience? A resumé is in the works... riiiiight after I take the United States to the World Cup championship.

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Even when unemployed, you learn something new every day. Yesterday I learned that it's not a good idea to eat hot dogs while watching Fear Factor contestants gag down pig rectum. Learn from my mistake.

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I'd like to say thank you to a few people.
(1) Thanks to everyone who offered words of encouragement after I sent that mass e-mail. Everything's cool; I'm not stressed or anything; everything's just fine. I think this will be a good thing when all is said and done.
(2) Thank you Mom, for replying to all my friends with an e-mail that began with "Hi Hon!"
(3) Thank you all my friends (and I do mean all), who made sure to make fun of me because of the e-mail from Mom. Lots of laughs today! (I must say, that e-mail from Mom could have been a lot more embarrassing.)

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Let's see... what's new... oh I know: I got laid off today. Not sure if that means more LenLowLand updates, or it means I'm going to go walk the earth and find my fortune, or what... One thing I do know: I'm going to go get a burrito.

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Is this really the appropriate way of educating the masses about colon cancer? I mean come on, "Download the Desktop Polyp"???

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I strongly recommend you bookmark this site right away, for handy reference: The On-Line Encyclopedia of Integer Sequences. You never know when you're going to need to know the first 20 Lucas psuedoprimes!

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And you thought the "how can we get chicks" poll was exciting... this would have made the Jump Street webcam a lot more interesting, eh?

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Good news everyone, there's a sequel in the works for "Dude, Where's My Car?" The working title: "Seriously Dude, Where's My Car?"

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Breaking news from The Onion: "Heroic Pit Bull Journeys 2,000 Miles To Attack Owner"

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It's a beautiful day outside... of course when it hits midday we could be looking at temperatures up around 90, but... the morning commute certainly was pleasant. I found myself listening to one small assortment of songs over and over, and I noticed something about them. I listened to them because they were happy fun songs, and it turns out they all had to do with summer and sunshine... it was kind of a weird revelation. Out of about six songs I cycled through, there were "Summertime" by the Sundays, "Don't Falter" by Mint Royale ("when you're with me it's always summer..."), "Steal My Sunshine" by Len, and "Sugar Magnolia" by the Grateful Dead ("walkin' in the sunshine..."). Coincidence?

When I become a rock star, I think I'll work "sunshine" or "summer" into every one of my songs, that way people will blare them when it starts to get nice out. Apparently those buzzwords are all you need for a good catchy feelgood song.

(Check it out, no baseball talk! I could have mentioned the Tigers' first win, or Lance Berkman's 3 home runs, or Clemens getting beaten by the Orioles again, or the Sox beating up on the Toronto BJ's, or John Rocker being sent down to the minors because he's so awful, or Mike Piazza......... but I didn't!)

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I hope for my readers' sake this doesn't turn into a baseball blog, but like I said earlier, there seems to be something blog-worthy every day of the season. For example, the Rangers turned a triple play yesterday.

The Sox lost to the Yankees today, but that's okay. It was bound to happen some time. But what I wanted to reiterate is that I hate that Mariano Rivera. Yesterday I said that because he's a Yankee and he's good, but as of yesterday I have a real reason for hating him. When Hillenbrand, the man responsible for Rivera's first blown save yesterday, came to the plate, Mariano threw at his head and barely missed him. What is that?!?! What a vain, childish, unprofessional way to act. (By the way Hillenbrand has now hit in all ten games of the season.)

And the Tigers lost again.

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Those poor Detroit sports fans. Last year it was the Lions, who began the football season 0-12 (and they ony played 16 games!). Now their Tigers have begun the season 0-10. Are the Redwings any good?

Yep, it's good to be a Bostonian. First the PATS WIN THE SUPERBOWL (did you guys hear about that?), and in June the Celtics will be winning it all. And then there's the Bruins, whenever those Stanley Kubrick world tournament series finals championships are.... And then in October, the crowning achievement that we Bostonians have waited so long for.... that's right folks I'm talking about the New England Revolution winning the MLS Cup '02!

P.S. By the way the U.S. is winning the World Cup this year. Detroit would have wanted it that way.

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Sox win! Sox win!
Varitek just caught Soriano stealing to end the game and beat the Yankees. Quite a game too, with the Sox trailing the whole game until Shea Hillenbrand's 2-run dingaling in the bottom of the eighth against uber-closer Rivera. I hate that Mariano Rivera. He thinks he's so good. Well what's up now? You like dat? You want some more o' dat?

In other news, I had a date last night. I thought I was going to give up on posting personal stuff on LenLowLand, but... I changed my mind. Interestingly enough, she does not know this website exists. Not that I'm trying to keep it a secret, but it just hasn't come up. I'm kind of surprised our mutual friends haven't brought it up, but hey that's fine with me. Any chance I get to hide my geekiness I will gladly take. Anyway, I thought the date went quite well. She's fun. Once again, curious parties can e-mail me for details.

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Okay, I'm revisiting the current events, just because it's a good followup to what I last posted (no, not the potty humor, the post before that). More testimony today from the Edgewater shooter. McDermott "acknowledged researching how to fake mental illness on the Internet and in books during testimony Friday." Okay, so I'm not too good at spotting fakes.

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Okay enough current events (one post out of 100 is way too much for me). Whenever the crazy happenings in the world get me down, there's one thing I can always rely on to make me laugh: potty humor. Nothing's funnier more consistently. Sure, some would disagree... and to those people I say: don't click on these links. Here's a cheat sheet for those of you with young ones at home. (Don't forget to grunt!) And then there's Nature's Platform, "the basis for a healthier life." Hey, billions of third world citizens can't be wrong!

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Are you people outside of New England following this Michael McDermott thing at all? I just read on Boston.com about his trial today, and I watched some videos too. Wacky wacky stuff. He thinks he was travelling back in time to kill Hitler and some other Nazis, and he says that he died in 1940. So when he was killing his coworkers, he thought he was preventing the holocaust. Kinda freaky to watch that, and to realize that he really thinks that's what happened. Seems like it would be pretty tough to pretend all that.

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Why does it seem that every day something cool happens in Major League Baseball? That's unfortunate for my readers, most of whom don't give a hoot. What prompted this train o' thought was Craig Biggio hitting for the cycle this afternoon. (That's when you hit a single, double, triple and home run all in the same game, for the basebally-retarded.) Yesterday Frank Thomas hit a broken bat home run. (That means he's really really strong.)

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Go Sox! After a disappointing Pedro performance on opening day, he showed his old form and completed a sweep of the Orioles. (Then again, I could complete a sweep of the Orioles..... but hey, the Yankees couldn't do it!) Hillenbrand hit two dingalings. Everybody's doing well. Friday night Lowe took a no-hitter into the eighth inning, only to be broken up by the cheesiest infield hit ever. One more great start from Lowe and I'm willing to forget his shenanigans as closer last year. And Thom, you can't come over to watch the Sox ever again, you're bad luck. Oh and no poker games on Sox nights either, those are bad luck too.

Tonight 9:00-11:00 on HBO: the first two episodes of Band of Brothers. The first one is optional, but it's fun to watch David Schwimmer try to convince us he's a brutal drill instructor. Episode 2 is mandatory.

What do your coworkers call you behind your back? I entered in "Luke Enlow" and got back "Tosser"... but then I realized that a lot of my coworkers call me "Lucas". So I put "Lucas Enlow" and the computer told me that I am called "Golden Boy" behind my back. That's more like it. Wait, that is a compliment right?

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You could design the next Belle and Sebastian album cover! For prizes, they're giving away 11 pairs of tickets for their upcoming tour, one pair at each venue. Matt, there may be hope yet for scoring tix for the Boston show. Get on it!

Speaking of those crazy Scots, if you haven't heard them or heard of them, download the song "The Boy with the Arab Strap"... and thank me later. Happy music.

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Huh, apparently the U.S. soccer team played last night. They beat Mexico 1-0. I sure do wish it were easier to know when these games happen.

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Oh, and how about that Barry Bonds? Tuesday after he hit two dingers we all joked that he was on pace to hit 328 home runs this year... but yesterday he did it again, and he's still on pace.

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If you find yourself in the vicinity of Wheaton, Illinois tonight, make sure you stop by MSC at Wheaton College. Katie's got a big singing gig there, and the place will be jumpin'.

(Check it out Katie, look at the promoting job I'm doing! How does... 40% of the tip jar sound?)

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Well, Dusty didn't give up any hits last night, just as I predicted! But he hurt his groin and left after an inning. And then the game was rained out so it doesn't matter anyway. Too bad Jason Varitek wasted a home run; he would have retained his 1.000 batting average with style.

And it's okay that the game was rained out, otherwise I may not have had the chance to watch Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo.

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Once in a while fark.com offers up photos for their readers to alter with PhotoShop. Usually I don't bother checking out the submissions, but the latest picture to work with was Clemens right after he gave up a grand slam on Monday. There's some funny poop in there, like this one and this one.

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The word "cycle" comes from the Greek word for "wheel". But we use not the Greek number prefixes but the Latin ones with it, such as "unicycle", "bicycle", and "tricycle". Isn't that odd? Why no "monocycle" or "dicycle"? That happens all over the place with English words, but I didn't realize there was such a prominent example as that one.

This has been "Geek Time" with your host WordBoy the Nerd Boy. Until next time...

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Mark it Dude, April 3. First air conditioning usage of the year. That seems early... summer is on its way folks. It's almost 70 degrees out! Nothing like cruisin down the street, windows down, sun shining, music blaring, belly full of Wendy's... good times. Soon I'll be drivin' home in the same manner, ready to watch Dustin Hermanson pull a Hideo Nomo and pitch a no-hitter in his first game in a Red Sox uniform.

Up yours, winter!

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How morbid... "Statistically you should die on Friday January 26, 2063 at 10:09:11 AM." Eh, could be worse. All those questions about eating right had me worried I was going to die in a few months, but I guess it's not that bad. Statistically.

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Hardest... puzzle... ever. At least they show you what the finished product looks like, that helps a lot. That's a pretty good site, jigzone.com... very user-friendly jigsaw puzzles, and if you become a member you can turn your own pictures into puzzles and share them with the world. At least I think that's what happens... I'm too busy/impatient to bother with registration.

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"Your Mom is so fat, when she walks she sheds vortices so large that modern synoptic-scale models include her as a factor."

"Your Mom" jokes for exceptional mathletes. Unfortunately they seem to have let non-mathletes contribute some of the "jokes". See if you can spot the poseurs.

Disclaimer: Always use caution and consider your audience when telling "your mom" jokes. I personally have been bitten on the bum bum twice in my life by such indiscretion, and honey it ain't fun.

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